wrigley field is MILF paradise
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
