I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
