i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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