Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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