The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
