16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
