The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
