hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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