it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
