Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
