Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Panties = found
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
