just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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