thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
