she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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