So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
