YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
