I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Green mimosas i think yes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
