I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
where are my eyebrows?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
