HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
