His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
