I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
