if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
