i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
