so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
