I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
