I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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