nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
