so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
