you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
