You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
