Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
