i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
