I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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