Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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