Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she smelled like a LAN party
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
