I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
