Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
