Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
