If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
