Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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