Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
