I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
