He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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