you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
