No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
