yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
