wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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