we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
