nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
