When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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