That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
