the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
