I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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