And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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